How to Deal with a Traumatic Event

A trauma can occur due to a sudden illness, an assault, accident, or a natural disaster, and can leave a lasting impression on our minds. Traumatic events arouse powerful, disturbing feelings in us. Sometimes these feelings appear to go away on their own. At other times the feelings seem to 'get stuck'. Occasionally, the feelings return months or years later almost as intensely as if the trauma just happened. When the feelings 'get stuck' or return when you thought they were gone, it is often a sign that you will need help to overcome them. Seeking help when our feelings do not pass on their own can speed recovery, allowing you to get on with life.

A traumatic event can be summarized as an event in which a person is in a situation where there is a risk of danger to themselves or other people. Traumatization can also occur when you are repeatedly exposed to the traumatic events of others, such as the daily experience of First Responders. First Responders such as paramedics, EMTs, firefighters, police, child welfare workers, and dispatch workers for First Responders are routinely exposed to the aftermath of accidents, natural disasters, illnesses, attacks, and negative human interactions. The psychological trauma experienced from both direct and indirect exposure to traumatic events can leave you struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety. However, with the right counselling services and professional support, there is hope to regain control over your thoughts and emotions, and regain your general well-being.

Get on the Path to Empowerment

"At any given moment, you have the power to say: this is not how the story is going to end." by author Christine Mason Miller. To heal, you must feel empowered.

A trauma counselor can help guide you through the roller-coaster of emotions you experience. It all begins with finding yourself in a safe place to talk. A place where you will not be judged for your emotions, actions, inactions or your thoughts. A trauma counselor will listen to your story, help you set treatment goals, and work with you through your treatment plan. Each small gain will increase your sense of recovery and empowerment.

Tips To Get On the Path to Recovery:

1.  Talk to One or More People

If you feel comfortable, share your experience with someone who loves you and can empathize with you. Try to spend more time with positive people, including your family and close friends. This may help give your mind more pleasant things to focus on, which will help reduce stress.

Talking to someone else about your traumatic experience is an important part of healing. This confidante could be a loved one or a professional psychological counselor. The benefit of speaking to a counselor, however, is that they have one goal, which is to help you heal. A professional psychological counselor has many skills and therapies at hand to help you reach that goal.

2.  Acknowledge What Happened

Accepting that a traumatic event has happened can be the first step to healing.

Sometimes a traumatic event is so unbelievable or horrible that it is hard to process that it actually happened to you.  If your mind is unable to accept what occurred, then you may experience an Acute Stress Disorder, which if unresolved after a month can become Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  Acute Stress Disorder may include severe anxiety, flashbacks, trying to avoiding thinking or talking about the traumatic event, sleeping issues, mood swings, and possibly a sense of being separated from oneself.  Research shows that seeking help during this early phase of trauma response can often prevent the development of PTSD.  If you believe you are having a more acute response to trauma than you expected, or those around you are worried about you, it may be a good idea to consult with a trauma counselor.

3.  Start Exercising

Trauma can have a significant impact on a variety of hormones in the body. Cortisol, the stress hormone, often spikes up to levels well beyond what your body is able to process during traumatic events. As a result, the body may be triggered into a kind of "anxious overdrive". For some people, this presents an inability to focus, hyper-vigilance, difficulty settling, along with memory and learning difficulties. For others, the body's response may be to go numb or disconnected. In any case, the body's immune system is often put into overdrive, and if there is nothing physical to heal, the immune system may start attacking the body itself. If a person is unable to recover from the trauma, or experiences repeated traumas, the immune system overdrive increases the potential for arthritis, cancer, heart disease, diabetes and a host of other chronic illnesses.

Exercise is one way of using up cortisol so that it does not trigger an anxious overdrive in the body. If you do not regularly exercise it is a good idea to start by consulting with your physician or a fitness coach before beginning an exercise plan. As you begin, start with 2-5 minutes of movement (e.g. stretching, walking, lifting light weights, dancing, etc.) several times a day. Over time you can build up to a half hour or hour long program once or twice a day. Health Canada states that a half hour of aerobic exercise daily (e.g. brisk walking, swimming, or other activities that raise your heart rate) can significantly reduce the chance of various chronic illnesses.

Learning a variety of relaxation techniques may also be helpful in learning to manage stress responses. Breathing exercise, yoga, Pilates, Tai Chi, meditation, and certain forms of martial arts can all teach body self-regulation skills.

If you find that you are unable to manage your trauma stress responses through exercise and relaxation it may be an idea to talk with a professional psychologist.

Be Kind to Yourself

Remember, everyone heals at their own pace. Believe in yourself, take your time, and focus on managing small things. If despite your best efforts you are not getting better, or people around you are worried about how you are managing, it may be time to seek help from an experienced trauma specialist.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

What is Emotional Intelligence?

The key to success as a parent, partner, student or in our regular daily human interactions, is emotional intelligence. Although that may seem to be a bold statement, a large portion of our lives is focused on our social interactions. While many of our interactions are mundane, sometimes we find ourselves over-reacting, and these overreactions can lead to unhappiness for ourselves and others we care about. Often these over-reactions come when we are distracted, stressed or annoyed.

Emotional intelligence is the integration of many elements.  The first element is self-awareness.  Being emotionally self-aware involves honest recognition of our current emotional state, and our physiological responses.  For example, noticing our excitement at going out for a good meal with a friend, as well as recognizing our distress when the meal turns out to be our friend’s way of asking for money.  The excitement may be associated with a warm feeling and increased energy.  The distress may be associated with stomach nausea and feeling physically heavy.

The second element of emotional awareness is recognition of the impact our emotional state is having on others.  If I am irritated, lonely, frustrated, or scared, do the people around me begin to mirror similar emotions, or do they react by attempting to comfort me, distance themselves from me, or try to change our feelings through distraction, direction, or aggression?  Awareness of how our emotions affect those around us, and how those around us respond to our emotional triggers can greatly impact the outcome of the interaction.

For example, if I am distressed and my partner misreads that as anger, my partner may become angry and belligerent with me, triggering an argument.  Or, if my partner is not good at handling distress, they may simply leave the room, resulting in feelings of abandonment.  Repeated misreads may eventually lead to a breakdown in the relationship.

The third element of emotional intelligence is utilizing our emotional and physical self-awareness to identify what we need.  If we know what we need we can then choose that for ourselves, or ask to receive that from those who care for us.  For example, If I am able to recognize lonely feelings, and how I am fidgety and unsettled, I can ask my friend to go for a walk with me.  Having someone with me may help ease the loneliness, while the walking burns off the emotions physical symptoms.  There is a chance that by the end of the walk I will feel calmer and connected.

Developing emotional intelligence can be a challenging task.  It often helps to work with a relationship therapist to master the various elements.  A good relationship counsellor will help you to recognize your underlying emotions and associated physical responses.   The therapist will help you to recognize emotions in others, and then will help you to understand the emotional back and forth that influences so many human interactions.  As your emotional intelligence improves you will gain a much greater understanding of yourself, and experience far more positive and supportive interactions with others.

Couples Counselling Before Marriage

Being in love does some very interesting things to our thinking processes. Sometimes early warning signs of differences in thoughts, goals, financial management, problem-solving style can be overlooked or brushed aside in the whirl of romance. It can be particularly difficult to take the time out to think of such things once the demands of wedding planning begin. 

Young couples may not have had the opportunity to realize that life with a partner can be very different than dating. Older partners may have some awareness of areas that led to conflict in prior relationships, but believe that "things are different this time", or that because of their past experiences they will know to "just not let that happen again". For others, the thought of talking about potentially difficult subjects such as money management, parenting styles, faith practices, or political leanings creates anxiety. As a result, these topics are avoided – and may become major points of contention sometime after the wedding.

Premarital counselling is an excellent forum to talk about potentially difficult topics in a supportive environment. Premarital counselling pushes couples to talk about their marriage goals both in the short, intermediate and long-term. Such counselling helps people to identify the reasons why they wish to get married, what they see as strengths and growing edges in themselves and their partners, and how they plan to support each other in working through those growing edges. Our Edmonton marriage counsellors enable couples to clarify these key areas and to develop the communication and problem-solving skills to achieve their marriage goals.

It is beneficial to consider couples counselling during your engagement to:

Strengthening Relationship Skills:

Research shows that most people tend to assume that others "think like I do". As a result, we are often surprised when our partner espouses a completely different view or opinion. While in many cases these differences are not crucial when couples unexpectedly find themselves on opposite sides of a decision, it can lead to confusion, disappointment, and arguments.  

Pre-marital counselling not only helps each person to better understand their partner, it teaches skills on how to listen, support, and negotiate with their partner in a positive and productive manner. There are many relationships where the partners differ on key issues, but because each person feels confident their partner understands them, neither feels threatened by disagreement. If you know you can talk through challenges with your partner, you can feel much more confident about the strength of your current relationship and future marriage.

Positively Engage in Future Planning:

Many couples have hopes and dreams about what and how their lives should be like after marriage. It is impossible to plan and pre-negotiate for every contingency. It is important though, to have some common understanding on key areas. Lifestyle issues, children, how finances are handled, the breakdown of household chores, faith practices, and work/home-life balance, are common areas of contention and marital breakdown. Pre-marital counselling may help couples sketch out a path through these issues before things become complicated by marriage vows.

Cope with the Past:

Many people have past memories and experience that they do not want to bring into the future marriage. Sometimes people believe those events are "dealt with" and "done". Sometimes these remain as memories. At other times these old memories may seem to spring back to life, given the right set of factors. For example, a couple may be a fantastic parenting team until their children reached the age where one of the partners was sexually abused. In response to the age trigger, the historically abused parent might turn into an "protective dragon", which could be a huge change from their previously relaxed and child-led parenting approach. As one parent did not know about the abuse, and the other thought the fallout from the experience was long over, the misdirected fights around the change in parenting style could lead to family breakdown.

Pre-marital counselling can help individuals identify and discuss historical events with their future marriage partner. While in many cases such information sharing simply enriches the relationship bond, it may also provide important clues regarding future behaviors and decision making processes. Shared information can go a long way in creating compassion, understanding, and a willingness to problem solve, while withheld details may lead to defensiveness, aggression, and relationship shutdown.

Our Edmonton premarital counselling services focus on helping couples become comfortable in sharing their thoughts and goals. Through premarital work, couples learn to recognize each other’s strengths and growing edges, and how to problem solve collaboratively. Our aim is to help couples develop the skills to negotiate the challenges of marriage, so that the spark of love, companionship, and mutual respect never fades. If you wish to know more about our premarital counselling services, please contact us with any question or to book a session.

What does Play Therapy for Children include?

Play therapy is a well-researched and effective therapeutic approach. When provided by an experienced, trained therapist, play therapy is proven to be a highly effective approach for helping children resolve distress and improve interpersonal relationships. Play therapy enables children to communicate their feelings, experiences and ideas through play, their natural medium  of expression. 

What is Play Therapy?

Play therapy is one form of psychotherapy with children. This is a method in which professional psychotherapists, who may be psychologists or clinical social workers, help children overcome emotional and behavioral difficulties through different forms of ‘play’ or activities. Play therapy allows children to express and process feelings, thoughts, and experiences through their natural desire to play. Therapeutic play empowers the child to overcome challenges without demanding words, explanations, or adult reasoning. Play therapy can be used to help children deal with traumas, family issues, emotions, and developmental challenges.

A typical play therapy session lasts for about 30-50 minutes depending on the age of the child. Specialized play therapy approaches can be used with infants and toddlers to restore or develop parent-child attachment. Play therapy with preschoolers and school age children may focus on parent-child attachment, trauma resolution or preparation for challenging events (such as surgeries, chronic illness, changes in family dynamics). School aged children and teens may use play or expressive arts therapy to help deal with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, family conflict, addictions, trauma, loss, interpersonal relationships, and communication difficulty.

While many people think of play therapy as children with toys, play therapy can utilize many mediums. This can include (but not limited to) storytelling, music, dance, clay-play, mask making, sand-tray work, models, puppets, collages, painting and drawing, beading, and board games. The only limits are the resources at hand, and the creative inspiration of the child and therapist. Through these many mediums, the child has an opportunity to explore, express, and process their thoughts and feelings without having to worry about judgement or language. 

The child play therapist will often work with the child’s parents and siblings to increase insight and communication skills with their child. As understanding increases and communication approaches shift, there is often a reduction in the child’s concerning behaviors. This may lead to marked increase in household happiness and overall resiliency gains for all family members.

How Does Play Therapy Work?

The play therapy space is designed to engage but not overwhelm the child. Age appropriate toys are made available. The play therapist provides structure regarding session goals. Once the child is engaged in the therapeutic process, the psychologist steps back to allow the child to develop their play themes. In this way, the child learns that they can be creative and expressive in a supportive and safe environment.

Trained play therapists can identify themes within the child play. Typically, the play process will become "stuck" at the point where the child experiences emotional distress. Once  the psychologist has identified where the child’s play is "stuck, the therapist will intervene within the play medium to help the child resolve their distress. To do this well, the therapist must have a deep understanding of child development, typical play processes, and an ability to meet the child where they are at. While the therapist may provide an interpretation of the child’s symbolic play to the child’s parents, the key element is for the therapist to be able to enter the child’s world and to work within that world to create change. Forcing, teaching, or artificially introducing solutions to the "stuckness" may make things appear better, but in the long run only serves to further undermine the child’s problem solving skills.

When done well, play therapy allows children to identify and resolve challenging issues. Successful play therapy typically concludes when the parents report that the child is consistently functioning at a better level than when the therapy began. Depending on the age of the child, the child may report an improvement in mood, confidence, or social connections. 

Families play an important role in a child’s healing and development processes. We at Firefly, encourage children to share feelings with their parents in each of their counselling session. If you wish to know how our professional Edmonton psychologists can help, it’s best to contact us.

How to Convince your Partner to Join you in Couples Counselling

It can be challenging to convince a partner to go for couples counselling. Sometimes partners do not realize there is a problem, or if they do, they see that the problem is in the other person. Asking a reluctant partner to attend counselling may result in responses such as:

• "I don’t want us to be embarrassed in front of a counsellor."

• "I will go to counselling after you have fixed yourself"

• "We must solve our own issues."

• "Counselling costs too much."

• "It’s not going to help."

• "I am going to end up blamed for everything so why bother"

• "I don’t want to argue in the counsellor’s office."

Helping your partner to recognize the value of therapy is often the first task.

It can start by talking to your partner about how much you value them, and the relationship. You may want to point out that you are work on negative interaction patterns with a goal of recovering the happiness you both felt early on.

While it is true that marriage counselling or couples therapy costs money, relationship breakdown, separation, and divorce come with their own emotional and financial costs. Couples counselling is often covered by insurance plans or health spending accounts, while divorce lawyers are not.

Repairing a marriage or relationship may result in communication and understanding that is better than what existed when things were good. In some cases, relationship counselling may also help each person resolve past difficulties that have triggered psychological distress outside of the marriage.

Relationship difficulties may have a negative impact on parenting, work, friends and extended family. Often individuals who will not attend therapy for themselves, are willing to come if it will help their children, reduce problems at their worksite, or will pre-empt difficulties with parents, siblings or others.

How to Find a Good Couples Counsellor

Focus on Change How to Find a Good Couples Counsellor

By focusing the discussion on the relationship your partner may feel less threatened. Many people are reluctant to change out of fear, comfort with who they are, or because they do not see themselves as "the problem". By suggesting that the difficulty may be in the interaction patterns, not the person, it reduces the sense of "blaming". Most people feel that it is easier to change interactions than who they are.

The next step is demonstrating a willingness to change within yourself. If you are willing to acknowledge a few things that "aren’t really working" in how you handle problems, and develop some solutions, your partner may become more interested in the change process. Tension in the home may drop as your partner sees you trying. As tension drops it may become easier to talk about difficult things in a calm manner. Your partner may also be more willing to identify a few things they need to work on, and to make a plan on how they might make those changes as well.

It is important to remember that people tend to be naturally resistant to change unless the change was our idea. While negative interaction patterns may be difficult to deal with, at least they are predictable. A change means that things are less predictable, which for some people can be quite scary. This very natural fear response why the first few steps to change need to be small. With small steps, everyone in the relationship is more likely to feel they have some control over what is happening. As they have success with small things, people are more likely to be willing to try larger changes, like seeing a relationship counsellor.

How to Find a Good Couples Counsellor

Good couples counsellors have training specifically in couples therapy. They are not just psychologists or therapists who are trying to apply their individual counselling skills to more than one person at a time. Rather, good couples therapists have training in the therapies that research shows are the "gold standard" for relationship work. Emotion Focused Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, and Family Systems Therapy are all well researched, recommended therapy approaches for marital, relationship, and couples counselling.

Things you Need to Know About Psychological Assessments

The field of psychology contains many terms that may be confusing and may differ from how the phrases are understood in the general culture. For example, it is not uncommon for someone to say "I am feeling depressed", or "I am anxious about life". This does not necessarily mean the person suffers from a clinical disorder, they may simply be experiencing an emotional response to a particular situation. For others, statements about feeling depressed, anxious, or having trouble with memory, focus and attention may be signs that they are struggling with these areas much more than what falls in the realm of 'normal'. Psychologists can use a variety of techniques to help determine if a person is experiencing clinical symptoms and then work with a client to develop a treatment plan. The initial process of figuring out "what is going on" typically begins with a Clinical Interview. The interview may then lead to a more complete Psychological Assessment, or may move directly into the treatment planning and therapeutic process.

What is Clinical Interview?

A clinical interview is a structured or semi-structured dialogue with the client that is focused on information gathering. Fully structured interviews follow a question template. In such an interview all clients are asked the same set of questions. This kind of interview is often done by larger organizations in an attempt to identify clients with particular issues and then match them with clinicians who have expertise in this area. These interviews are often conducted by psychology students or technicians as they are not intended to gather highly personal information about the client, and generally do not have any therapeutic value beyond that of allowing the client an opportunity to tell their story. In some cases, these interviews are transformed into paper and pencil questionnaires that may be done online before the appointment, or as a telephone interview, or while seated in the office before the first session.  

Structured interviews are also used when a therapist is attempting to make a differential diagnosis. This occurs when the client has described having symptoms that might fit one or more clinical diagnosis. When this occurs, the clinician may ask a very standardized set of questions to see if the client expresses experiencing a sufficient number of symptoms to meet 'diagnostic criteria' (like having all the ingredients to make a certain kind of cake) for a particular diagnosis. The goal is to 'differentiate' or 'tell apart' on diagnosis from another. For example, the client may say that they have enough different symptoms to meet criteria for a diagnosis of Cyclothymic Disorder (a type of depression), but not Major Depressive Disorder. By being able to differentiate between potential diagnosis the client and clinician can develop a targeted and personalized treatment plan. Such personalized treatment plans are far more likely to be successful than a 'one size fits all' treatment plan, or a treatment plan that is based on using skills the clinician has training in, rather than what is known to be the best approach to treat the disorder (like asking a mechanic to fix your plumbing, they may be an awesome mechanic but that doesn't mean those skills are helpful when you have a clog under the sink).

Semi-structured interviews are the most common form of mental health interview. Here the clinician has a standard set of questions to be sure they cover the most common areas of mental health challenging. Common questions in a semi-structured interview will ask about sleep patterns, eating habits, mood, thinking processes, and communication styles. The interview is semi-structured because follow-up questions will be based on the client's response. In this way, the standard questions are used as starting points to get the conversation going, but once going the client is allowed to expand on the challenges they are experiencing so that the clinician can come to best understand the client's unique situation. Semi-structured interviews help ensure key data is gathered while allowing the client's particular challenges and goals to rise to the forefront. This helps ensure that the co-developed treatment plan is on target for the client's needs.

Clinicians may include additional information to help diagnose and develop the treatment plan. Clients may be asked to complete surveys and screeners. These are typically short questionnaires (10-20 questions) that ask the client if they are experiencing symptoms commonly seen for one type of disorder. During interviews, clinicians observe how the client responds non-verbally to various questions. Does the client become upset or angry when talking about specific events? Does the client avoid answering certain questions? What is the client's body language like? Do they look at the clinician, other people in the room (if any), do they try to divert the conversation or repeat themselves. Along with surveys/questionnaires, and observations, clinicians may also gather information about the client from other people. This is only done with the client's knowledge and permission. For example, a clinician may ask a child's parents about the child's behavior, moods, and development. They may also talk with the child's teacher to find out how the child is managing in school. Adult clients may ask the therapist to speak with their physician about medical issues that may be impacting the client's mental health, or they may bring in a partner or friend to help expand on details the client has difficulty talking about. People who provide information about the client are often referred to as 'collateral contacts'.

All of the information from clinical interviews, surveys/questionnaires, observation of the client, and collateral contacts is combined to help more fully understand the client. While many issues may be identified and treated based solely on clinical interview information, the additional sources may help shed further light on a problem increasing the chance of treatment success.

What is Psychological Assessment?

The term Psychological Assessment can be confusing. Many people use this term when talking about diagnosis and treatment planning based solely on clinical interviews and or collateral information. Psychologists may use the term assessment for this purpose, but more often Psychological Assessment refers to Psychometric Assessment, or the use of standardized tests and measurements to develop a clinical diagnosis. One can think of Psychometric Assessment as referring to the metric or 'measuring' of psychology. Psychometric Assessment is most commonly seen when third parties are involved such as the school system, courts, or insurance. The reason for using Psychological Assessment rather than basing a diagnosis on a simple clinical interview is twofold. First, Psychological Assessment is an objective assessment. This means that a person is diagnosed based on their responses to a scientifically standardized set of questions. Second, Psychological Assessment reduces the chance that the clinician's personal bias affecting the diagnosis. While many diagnoses are straightforward to make, others can be quite difficult or 'non-obvious', this is where Psychological Assessment shines.  

For example, we might think that a child is 'really smart'. This is a subjective or 'opinion based' conclusion and is often determined by people comparing themselves to others. A parent may say a child is really smart compared to everyone else in her class. This may be true, but she may also be doing well because her parents spent extra time with her teaching her how to read and do basic maths before she started Grade One. The other parents in the class did not have this opportunity, so their children are learning in the classroom. The smarts one child is showing may be more a result of the extra help she received than any exceptional cognitive ability. Only cognitive or IQ testing can determine if she is actually smarter than the average child her age, and without testing all the children in her class, no-one could say she is truly the "smartest". Far too many factors other than IQ impact school performance.

Psychometric Assessment can be used to identify gifted people, individuals who need extra academic supports, or who may benefit from an alternate teaching approach (e.g. 'hands-on' learning, watching others, reading about it). Such testing may identify learning disabilities. By having such disabilities formally identified schools can apply for additional funding to provide that child with an aide in the classroom or different learning materials so that they can catch up to their peers. Psychometric Assessment may identify individuals suffering from a variety of psychological disorders such as Depression, Anxiety, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, Bi-Polar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Alzhemiers, and so forth. Psychometric Assessment may also be used to narrow down what areas of memory, learning, planning, and reasoning have been impacted by illness, injury or disease. This information can be used to develop approaches to help the client function more normally in everyday life. Psychometric Assessment is often used as a component of Parenting and Custody Assessments, Dementia, and Competency Assessments, or to identify brain injuries.

Psychometric Assessments can only be conducted by a psychologist trained in this area. Not all psychologists can conduct Psychometric Assessments, although all clinical and counselling psychologists can perform Clinical Interviews.

4 ways to Improve your Child’s Mental Health

We often do not think that children can suffer from mental health issues. Certainly, all children have better or worse days, but the sad reality is that children may also suffer from depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, communication difficulties, and many other challenges. In the rush of busy lives it may be easy to not realize that an overly shy child is suffering from clinical anxiety, the aggressive child is trying to cover up self-esteem issues, and the child labeled as behaviorally challenged is in reality showing symptoms of distress driven by parent-child attachment issues in the home. As parents we try to help our children through these struggles as best we can. Here are four strategies that may help.

Here are 4 ways you can learn in order to help improve your child’s mental health: 

• Listen Carefully:

Before offering any advice, pause and carefully listen to what he or she has to say. Think about what emotions may be driving the words. For example, when a child says "See what I made!", the emotion is "I am proud of what I did!". When a child says "I am mad at you" the emotion is "I am confused/frustrated/lonely/scared". Try to respond to the underlying emotion. Having the feelings underlying the words recognized leads to the sense of "really feeling heard". When children feel heard they are more likely to trust their parent, and respond to a direction and support.

• Compliment and Appreciate:

Supporting your child's interests helps to build your child's self-esteem and confidence. By focusing on your child's willingness to try to overcome challenges, rather than if they were completely successful, your child will learn they can rely on you for support when they are struggling. They will also know that you will celebrate with them when they have achieved their goal. Remember to compliment children on the portions of tasks they have managed. Many times this positive feedback will be enough to motivate children to take on somewhat harder tasks, or to attempt to finish another piece of larger challenge.

• Language of Emotions:

Many children either isolate themselves or lash out when they are angry or upset. While dangerous behaviors need to be responded to immediately, teaching children how to manage emotions takes many attempts over time. Often parents help children to manage the emotions they are comfortable with, but struggle to help children to deal with emotions they themselves avoid or suppress.  The first step is to learn how to identify the many emotions people feel. The second step is to realize that all emotions have a valid place in our lives and serve a purpose. Knowing an emotion's purpose helps use to accept the emotional experience. Children learn how to respond to emotions based on how they see their parents dealing with that emotion. Thus, it is a parent's job to learn how to be comfortable with their own feelings, so that they can show their children how to appropriately respond to difficult feelings. It is ok to feel angry, resentful, scared, lonely, confused, embarrassed, or so many other things.  But it is wonderful if we have a parent, friend, or partner who is able to accept that emotion and "be with us" as we move through these difficult experiences.

• Encourage Learning and Thinking:

Encouraging our children to explore their world can be both exciting and stressful. Children can constantly amaze us with how quickly they grasp new concepts, try out new words, and attempt new challenges. They can also frighten and distress us by bringing home ideas or words that are unacceptable, strange, or unexpected. Children are also prone to trying activities that are risky. A parent's job is to encourage our children to explore, while ensuring that the potential negative outcomes are not overly risky. For a child to learn how to skate they need to learn how to fall down safely. For a child to learn how to read they need to learn how to be ok with with mispronouncing or misunderstanding words. It can be hard to let our children make errors, to slip on the ice, or overreach, but by allowing this to happen when we are available to provide comfort, support, and reassurance, our children learn to be confident and undaunted by failure.

These suggestions may help in managing everyday parenting challenges. If you are struggling to implement these suggestions, or your find your children are not responding you may want to talk with a clinician who specializes in children/teens and parent-child relationships. Raising children has many moving parts. How you, your child, and your parent-child relationship are doing can change from day to day, even from minute to minute. Generally children are very resilient to their own mistakes and parenting errors. If though, despite everyone's best efforts things are still not working well it can be helpful to have a neutral, third party evaluate parent-child interaction patterns with a goal of creating a treatment plan to change things for the better.

What can Hypnotherapy Help with?

Hypnosis is an altered state of consciousness. Clinical hypnotherapy uses the altered state or trance for a therapeutic intervention. It is a process that creates a tremendously pleasant state of relaxation in the mind of an individual. This relaxed state enables the individual to feel safe to work through difficult thoughts, memories, or feelings. Hypnotherapy has helped many people in controlling addictions, losing weight, managing chronic pain, improving sleep, reducing anxiety, dealing with childhood issues, helping to reduce daily stress through relaxation skills, changing undesired behaviors, and bringing insight.

Some people are a little apprehensive about considering hypnotherapy because of the misconception of what they have seen on television. Often what is shown on television is often extreme or exaggerated interpretations of hypnotherapy for the purpose of entertainment. Clinical hypnotherapy is generally quite different and offers many benefits.

When is Hypnotherapy Useful?

Hypnosis is an altered, safe, trance-like mental state characterized by deep relaxation, focused attention, and openness to ‘positive’ suggestions. This therapy is most effective when the person really wants to make the change in his or her life.

For example, smokers often say that taking a cigarette break helps them to deal with anxiety. Clinical hypnosis can be used to reduce anxiety, thus reducing the desire to smoke, making it easier to break the habit. Hypnotherapy has been utilized since the 1800's to control pain. It is a recognized pain management option in modern surgery, particularly for individuals with drug sensitivities or those at risk of addiction. Clinical hypnosis can reduce post-surgical pain, decrease nausea, improve recovery times, and reduce the potential for complications. For individuals struggling with chronic illness such as cancer, diabetes, or arthritis, hypnotherapy may improve treatment outcomes by reducing fatigue, pain, and self-esteem challenges.

Does Everyone Respond to Hypnotherapy? 

While hypnosis works for many individuals, some individuals are more or less susceptible to suggestion. In the initial session, an accredited hypnotherapist will work with you to determine if you respond to hypnotherapy. Based on your response level, and your treatment goals, the therapist will be able to suggest how long the therapy may take, and if hypnotherapy would be more powerful if combined with other treatments such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). There is a significant amount of research that combining CBT and hypnotherapy can, for certain goals, increase the rate of treatment success.

Is Hypnotherapy Safe for Children? 

Hypnotherapy can help with many problems children experience. Children are often easier to hypnotize as they are naturally more open to suggestion than adults. Some children naturally fall into a state of self-hypnosis when they play imaginary games.

Historically, pediatric hypnosis has been used to successfully treat bedwetting, thumb sucking, hair pulling (Trichotillomania), tics (e.g. Tourettes), sleep terrors, nightmares, anxiety, food aversion, swallowing difficulty (e.g. medication, food), and general stress. Children treated with pediatric hypnosis may report feeling calmer and more in control of themselves. This tends to lead to a generally happier mood and more positive social behaviors.

How Can Adults Benefit from Hypnosis?

As previously mentioned, hypnosis can help you manage attitudes, perceptions, and behaviors. Research has shown hypnotherapy to help with issues such as chronic pain, high blood pressure, insomnia, panic attacks, migraines, body image, fears and phobias, sexual problems, etc. Clinical hypnotherapy may address underlying issues which cause anxiety, such as poor self-esteem, historical trauma, low motivation, negative thinking, etc. 

How to Find a Good Hypnotherapist?

As the term "hypnotherapist" is unregulated, anyone can call themselves a 'hypnotherapist". This means it is important for the client to ask about the clinician's credentials. Hypnotherapists who are certified through a national regulating registry such as the Canadian Federation of Clinical Hypnosis are required to demonstrate proof of competency through certified training courses, supervised practice, and examination. As hypnotherapy often works best in conjunction with other treatments such as CBT, it is also important that the is skilled in more than one area, and knows how to successfully blend the approaches.

Our hypnotherapists are professionals have years of experience and expertise in clinical hypnotherapy, CBT and additional treatment approaches. Feel free to contact us for more information.

What to Look for in a Good Play Therapist?

Play therapy is a research-based treatment approach which is proven to be effective for a wide range of issues. Play is a child’s natural way of self expression. In play therapy, the therapist allows the child to explore the wide range of toys given to them and closely observes how the child engages and plays with the toys. The therapist intervenes to shift the play if it becomes 'stuck'. This shift helps the child resolve underlying issues. As the relationship develops, the child often becomes increasingly confident in their ability to test out a range of problem-solving solutions as they are not worried about 'failing' or 'disappointing' the therapist.  This process builds the child's confidence and problem-solving skills. An experienced play therapist will adjust to the child's progress, and support to navigate through increasingly difficult psychological, emotional, or developmental challenges.

How to Tell If a Psychologist Values Play Therapy

Depending on clinic space, therapist training, and the age range the therapist focuses on, a child play therapy space may consist of a few games tucked on a clinician’s shelf, a dedicated play area in the corner of a room, or a room that is designed to function as a play therapy space. Having an entire room dedicated to child based therapy is one indicator that the therapist prioritizes the children in their practice. 

Therapists who prioritize children in their practice, and who are willing to invest in a range of therapeutic toys, games, and crafting materials, are likely to have much more training, experience, and general capacity to treat distressed children. Kids often feel a great sense of comfort and support when they enter a room that is clearly intended for them, as opposed to being asked to play in an adult-focused space. The experience of having a room "just for them" can help the child settle more quickly into the therapeutic process.

Another important element in identifying therapists who prioritize children and play therapy is their training and experience. Many psychologists, therapists, and other clinicians will say they do "play therapy", but have minimal training or supervision in this area. While a general clinician brings a certain understanding of therapy to a situation, working with children is significantly different than working with adults. True "play therapists" are specialists. Much like pediatricians who have taken advanced training and supervision to treat children, psychologists who specialize in child therapy and working with teens, will have completed additional instruction and education in either specialized clinic programs that work with the most complex children and adolescents, and/or specialized training programs requiring many hours of education and supervised practice before being granted certification in "play therapy" or "expressive arts therapy".

As well, many elements of play therapy will vary based on the child’s age. This means it is important that the therapist identify the age range they are skilled to work with.  Play therapy with children ages 0-5 is a different specialty from play therapy with elementary school aged children, or expressive art work with teenagers.

How does Play Therapy Benefit Children?

Play therapy can help kids experience a wide variety of social, behavioral, emotional, and learning challenges. Such challenges may include changes in family dynamics such as divorce of parents, moving to a new home, death, chronic illnesses, hospitalization, traumatic experiences, domestic violence, physical and sexual abuse, or recovery from natural disasters or war. Play therapy helps children:

• Develop problem-solving skills

• Become comfortable with expressing a range of emotions

• Develop respect and acceptance of self and others

• Learn new social skills and relational skills with family

• Improve behavior and emotional self-regulation

• Increase personal confidence

• Strengthen parent-child attachment

• Improve family communication

Play therapy may help parent-child attachment pertaining to adoption/fostering, special needs - children with difficult or mismatched temperaments as compared to their parents, or children who struggle with emotional, psychological, or developmental challenges. Play therapy helps both the child and family by addressing the cause of concerning behaviors, communication styles, and negative interaction patterns. When you are trying to find the right therapist for your child, do not be afraid to ask about the therapist's training and certification in play therapy.  

Our professional Edmonton psychologists have completed extensive training in play and art therapy, with specializations in working with preschoolers, school age, and teenage children. Our therapists work closely with children and their families using age appropriate play and expressive art therapies. The outcomes typically include improved parent-child relationships and a better sense of being for the child. To know more about play therapy and expressive art services from our professionals please feel free to contact us with your questions.

Improving Your Toddler's Mental Health

It can seem very strange that infants, toddlers and preschoolers might need psychological help. But ask any parent who has a child who cries constantly, will not settle, or who does not seem to learn as quickly as their peers how difficult, frustrating, and even frightening this can be. Learning, development and behavioral delays in infants and preschoolers can be early warning signs of significant mental health issues (e.g. autism, OCD, language difficulties), or may reflect a mismatch in the parent-child relationship. Our psychologists have specialized training in assessing and treating toddlers, and in helping parents with strong, positive, and nurturing attachments to their children.

Positive Signs of Child Development:

• Easily makes and holds eye contact

• Mirrors facial responses, sounds and actions of others

• Is meeting developmental milestones for fine and gross motor skills, language, and problem-solving ability

• Recovers easily when startled

• Points at desired objects

• Seeks adult support when needed, and then confidently explores their world

Psychological, Social, and Emotional Development in Preschoolers may be Encouraged by:

• Responding to the child's bids for attention or recognition in a positive manner

• Allowing the child to lead play sessions with you, utilizing developmentally appropriate toys

• Gently exposing the preschooler to a wide range of sensory experiences (e.g. foods, environments, animals and items)

• Ensure the child has "daily down time" where they can invent their own games and develop personal creativity

• Establish consistent daily schedules, including regular bedtimes  that are the same all 7 days of the week

• Encourage play with "real world" toys and objects while minimizing exposure to screens, tablets, and televisions

If you are struggling with your child's behavior, or are concerned about their development, it may be a good idea to speak with one of our family psychologists in the Edmonton area. We can often quickly identify a few steps you can take to help your child.

Our therapists have advanced training and extensive experience working with infants, toddlers, and preschoolers with complex needs. These include children who have experienced abuse, neglect, or who have been exposed to domestic violence. We also work with children who come from wonderful homes, but due to genetics, temperament, medical trauma, chronic illness, injury, accident, or some other reason that may not be clear, are struggling to manage daily tasks, display difficult behaviors, or seem to not be achieving developmental milestones.

Our therapists often have success helping families improve their child's behavior, and strengthen the parent-child relationship through the use of well researched and established treatment approaches such as play therapy, parent-child attachment therapy, expressive art therapy, family counselling, Circle of Security, Watch-Wait-Wonder, and Video Feedback.

When Do Couples Need Counselling?

Image Source: www.pexels.com

Yes, it’s true, every relationship goes through ups and downs. You don’t need counselling every time there are arguments or quarrels between the two of you, but when there is a consistent pattern of disagreements and quarrels, it may be a sign that communication is breaking down. Communication breakdown is often a significant predictor of relationship breakdown.

Relationships revolve around love, friendship, and compromises. However, we understand that it’s not possible to compromise all the time for the same things over and over again. That’s where couples counseling services come into the picture. Professional family psychologists have extensive experience and expertise to help you learn new ways of relating to your partner. A couples counselor can help each person better connect with their emotions, and their partners emotions, leading to a greater willingness to listen and respond in an empathetic and supportive manner. With increased empathy and support there is less undesirable "fixing" going on. Fixing that often leads to further conflict. Instead, each person in the relationship becomes tuned to the messages underlying their partner's words, and the dance of caring and intimacy returns.

When should you look for couples counseling? Here are a few scenarios that may be indicators that help is needed:

Minimal Communication

While it’s okay to talk less, minimal or few expressions of love or meaningful conversation from day to day is definitely not normal in a healthy relationship. Increased meaningful communication strengthens the relationship for most couples. Less communication may create doubts and lead to unresolved differences in opinion. Lack of communication can result in individuals seeking emotional support and connection elsewhere. As a result, healthy communication between the two partners is essential to a healthy relationship.

Constant Bickering

Constant bickering may be a sign of communication breakdown. For the bickering couple, positive, supportive interactions have given way to negative interaction patterns as each person strives to maintain some form of connection regardless of how painful it may be. The psychological stress of constant negative interactions may leave a person feeling as if they are 'living in a war' or are 'misunderstood', 'unloved' or 'just not good enough'. Not only does this negative interaction style place the relationship at risk, it also harms the mental well-being and self-esteem of its participants. Individuals who are in relationships with constant bickering often report feeling judged, embarrassed, disregarded, ashamed, neglected, or insecure. If they stay in the negative relationship long enough, the participants may come to believe that 'this is just the way it is' or 'it's what I deserve'. This is completely untrue. Communication breakdown is a sign of unmet needs, unresolved issues (both current and past), and often fear of honest emotional expression. All of these are things that can be healed.

Significant Changes in the Bedroom

After being together with each other for a while, it’s common for sex to gradually decrease. But if there are significant changes in the bedroom that usually means there is something wrong. Similarly, if there is a sudden increase in sex, it may mean that one partner is trying to make up for something they feel they’ve done wrong. It may also mean that something has changed for your partner, either in how they feel about themselves, you, or the relationship in general. Neglecting these signals can lead to emotional confusion, and potentially breakdown of the relationship over time.

Small Things are Suddenly Big Issues

One of the first signs of things going wrong in a couples relationship is things that were previously small easily solved issues suddenly become larger. Little events become more irritating. Understanding and compromising occurs less and less often, and problem solving becomes harder. Often events that were not seen as significant begin to take on extra meaning (e.g. longer days at work, a change in recreational or personal interests, consistently forgetting to complete expected tasks, etc). These can all be indicators of a relationship breakdown and may require the assistance of a couples counselor to help get the relationship back on track.

Avoiding relationship difficulties does not make them go away. Even if the relationship does break down, left unaddressed negative communication styles and interactive habits have a tendency to repeat in future relationships. A family psychologist in Edmonton can help identify and resolve poor relationship issues, both for the health of your relationship now and in the future.

5 things about PTSD you must know

Image source: pixabay.com

The time taken to recover from a tragic or traumatic event differs for different people. While some people may take weeks or months, others may suffer much longer. From 1-3.5% in the general population to a high of 20% for paramedics and other First Responders. While some are able to recover from trauma relatively quickly, others become overwhelmed by their feelings for months, or even years, after the incident has taken place. In such a situation, it is possible that the person is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Here are 5 things to know about PTSD.

1. Symptoms of PTSD
   PTSD is increasingly recognized as a significant mental health concern. Adverse reactions to trauma and stress are not signs of psychological weakness or a moral failing. PTSD is a medical condition that causes real and measurable changes in brain function and the bodies nervous system. Not every trauma will cause PTSD, and not every stressed person suffers from PTSD. Most people recover naturally following exposure to difficult sights, experiences, or sounds. If though, some combination of disturbed thoughts, irritation, flashbacks, hypervigalence, trigger avoidance, sense of disconnection, sleeping issues, anxiety or panic attacks, and nightmares continue for more than a month, you might be suffering from PTSD.

2. PTSD Can Happen to Anyone
   While PTSD is most commonly associated with miltary veterans, the disorder may affect any person exposed to trauma, or individuals who are repeatedly exposed to trauma outcomes, such as First Responders. Traumatizing events may include accidents, natural disasters, sexual assault, acts of war, domestic violence, terrorist attacks or any life-threatening incident or incident perceived to be life threatening. Children may develop PTSD if exposed to abuse or domestic violence. While some children are diagnosed while they are still young, many learn to hide or bury their memories until they are older. Their PTSD symptoms may abruptly appear when triggered by exposure to new trauma, if they hear the story of someone who had similar childhood experiences, or by their own children reaching the age when they were traumatized.

3. Prolonged Consequences, if Left Untreated
   Individuals often ignore the symptoms of PTSD and live with its associated symptoms. Individuals with unresolved PTSD may become depressed or violent. They may repeatedly find themselves in negative or abusive relationships. Early use of drugs and alcohol are often indicators of unresolved trauma, and such early use places them at increased risk of developing a substance abuse disorder or other addiction such as gambling, internet, or sex addition. PTSD is often associated with reduced cognitive function that may include impaired memory, concentration, learning, and difficulty with problem solving and task completion. In the most serious cases, PTSD can lead to suicidal ideation, that may end with one or more people being seriously harmed or killed.

4. It Can be Treated
   A variety of researched and proven treatments for PTSD are now available. These include EMDR, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Prolonged Exposure, and medications. The method and duration of treatment for recovery can differ from one individual to another.

5. Get Help from Edmonton Psychologists
   Firefly Counselling offers a team of Edmonton psychologists who are skilled in treating the person affected with PTSD, and in helping the families of PTSD victims. Our clinicians have worked extensively with First Responders and military personnel and understand the culture, humour, and challenges these populations face. We are recognized service providers for the Alberta Paramedics Association, Veterans Affairs Canada, for First Nations people, Residential School survivors, and the RCMP. We also routinely work with individuals of all ages suffering from trauma. Firefly Counselling is recognized for its work with very young traumatized children, through to seniors who have been struggling with their PTSD symptoms all of their lives.

Helping your struggling teenager manage school and life

There are some students who excel in their academic work, while there are others who benefit from alternate teaching styles and approaches. While different learning styles learning are common and are best addressed in proactive teaching approaches, learning difficulties due to mental health concerns require different solution approaches.  If a child has had learning struggles for a long time they may think this is 'normal' and that they are just 'stupid' or 'dumb'.  They may give up trying to learn, and by junior high or high school start running with the 'bad crowd' because there they feel accepted.  In other cases children who once did well in school may struggle academically in adolescence in response to developmental changes in their brain that place them at greater risk for depression, self-esteem issues, or anxiety.   Psychological counselling can help students overcome these challenges.

Image Source: Pexels.com

Balancing a teenagers growing desire for independence against the reality that adolescents still need parental guidance and support can be a challenge.  Keeping lines of communication open during this period is important.  Regular communication may make it easier to tell when your teen is struggling due to current situations, or if the struggles are a sign of a mental health concern that may require more specialized treatment.  Providing counselling for students can be a challenge.  Here are a few tips to tell if the ups and downs of the teenage years are becoming more than you and your child can manage:

1.  Maintaining a Schedule:

Daily schedules are a must have.  Having a sense of when things will happen provides a secure and reliable base from which your teen can explore the world.  While some families pack daily schedules full and others have a more relaxed approach, it is important to attend to your child's ability to maintain their schedule.  It is natural that a child's interests will change as they move into their teenage years, so setting time aside to review priorities is important.  Many families have scheduling discussions in the late summer to plan for fall/winter activities, and then again in spring to plan for summer events.  Once the framework of daily and weekly schedules are set, it is important to allow teenagers to allocate time in that schedule as they wish.  Whether a paper gets written in the morning or the evening, on a Wednesday or Saturday is not as important as ensuring the teen plans time to do the task, and then follows through.  Regular check-ins provide parents with an opportunity to affirm their child for keeping the schedule, and can also allow parents to provide support early on when a child is struggling.  If, despite support, a teen continues to struggle to meet established goals and schedules it may be beneficial to engage in third party support.  A good clinician can help determine if the challenge is due to a learning or thinking difficulty, emotional distress, or another factor.  Once possible causes are identified the clinician can work with the teen and their family on solutions to reduce the distress and positive outcomes.

2.  Healthy Communication is Essential:

While some children are naturally more talkative than others, a change in a teenager's communication style can signal they are struggling with emotional, social or other difficulties.  Having a good listening ear may be enough to help an adolescent through a rough time.  Picking battles is also important in order to maintain positives in the parent-child relationship.  Responding to unspoken emotional needs and occasional bouts of unconditional support even when a parent is not sure their child has made entirely the 'right' decision, are other ways of sending a message that you trust them, love them, and will be there for them.

It is not normal for a teen to completely refuse to talk with their parent.  If you find that your conversations with your teenage child have become increasingly one-sided, or negative, it may be time to seek third party help.  A therapist can help move conversations past a pattern of parent-teen questions and answers that lead to frustration and irritation.  Learning how to communicate well is vitally important to building a positive and trusting relationship from parent to child.  

3.   Recreation Time is Necessary: 

By building fun activities into the daily routine teenage students will learn how to balance the demands of academia, friends, family, and recreational activities.  Learning how to create a balanced lifestyle is important skill for maintaining mental health throughout a lifetime.  Regular recreational breaks from studying have been shown to improve learning, retention, and problem solving.  Recreational activities may serve as a reward for writing a paper or competing a project.  They may also be a means for relieving academic stress. 

4.  Trust is important:

Teenagers who trust their parents, and who feel trusted by their parents, will share information with their parents.  Teenagers find it much easier to talk with someone about academic, social, and other difficulties when they know that their parents will listen, support, and respond in a positive manner.   Communication breaks down when teenagers fear disappointing, angering or causing their parents distress.  Family counselling can help parents and children to regain their sense of mutual trust.